Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
