Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
