my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
