I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
