We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
