brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize