she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
