ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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