Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize