i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
