need another drink. this is the easiest way
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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