I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
