You smell like a Billy Joel song
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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