She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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