I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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