Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
