the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
