I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
