So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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