how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
