My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
