Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
