I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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