I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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