when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
