You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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