I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
