Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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