I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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