The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
