Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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