Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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