I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So vagazzling was a success
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
