just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
