Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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