just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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