i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he was CRYING into my vagina
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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