I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
