I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
