Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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