You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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