did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize