I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
