WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
