That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
