Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
