I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
In America we eat man semen.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
