My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
