it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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