You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
