This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Someone came in the potted fern
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
