When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
