i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
