can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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