it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
