at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
