the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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