I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
