I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
