Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
