you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
